Nine Days' Wonders
Sung to the tune of "Froggie Went A-Courting"

Vanyr Deryk went a-courting and he did ride,
Uh-hmm, uh-hmm,
Vanyr Deryk went a-courting and he did ride
A snake and dagger by his side
Uh-hmm, uh-hmm.

He went down to Lady Thea's door
Where he'd never been before.

He said, Lady Thea, are you within?
His words sent her in a spin.

His tried to boost her on his knee
And said, "Lady Thea, will you marry me?"

Then things got really int'resting.

Nine Weeks in Hiawat

Being the sexiest guy in the world isn't all it's cracked up to be. Especially when the goddess who made you Her love toy four thousand years ago wants you to arrange the marriages of nine fractious demigods -- one of whom happens to be you -- to nine women She met at a science fiction convention.

You might be able to swing it if your prospective bride didn't think you tried to steal the moves of her dead husband the first night you met. Next to seducing her, saving the world from an unknown foe systematically destroying the bond between the metaphysical and material planes seems like a walk in the park. All it will take is disguising yourself beyond recognition, assembling a war party with enough magic to level several mountains and persuading them to travel like humans for a couple of months through a desert full of snakes, bandits and devil spawn.

Granted, you probably shouldn't have manipulated your intended into joining the party. Falling for her now would be the biggest boner you ever pulled…in every sense of the word.

Coronation Number Nine

Isabeau of Seshmeel
requests the honor of your presence
at the celebration of her majority
commencing the first watch of Winterfest
and culminating in
Her solemn assumption
of a Queen's full rights and privileges
at high noon
on Reyah's High Holy Day
nine days following.
The entertainments will include
assignations, assassinations,
banquets, balls,
and a cattle call of competing consorts
for whom dress will be optional.